so i went to soundwave afterall.
and had a good time.
with matt.
and chisai.
and lots of friends.
i fixed the kayak when i got back.
and saw some fireworks from sea level.
the lightening and fireworks show was seen from land.
it was surreal.
chisai has stopped puking.
i go to the beach almost every day.
my van is almost done.
and thats that.

soundwave is the party i bought my first van for. i look forward to it all year. matt and chisai and i went last year and felt like a wonderful family. we have tickets to go this year. but me and matt have been fighting every day.  so he said hes not going. i dont really want to go by myself with chisai. my family wont be there. so now im not going.we were supposed to be leaving today. instead id rather jump off a bridge. but i know i wont cause i dont have the energy. everything sucks. matt thinks i dont love him. or if i do then i dont show it. there is a weight on my shoulders and a fuzziness in my head that i have never felt before. i zzzzz all day and all night. and im still tired. zzzz is all i can do now.